October is National Bullying Prevention Month. DeKalb West School and other schools across the U.S. are encouraging students to “Be a Buddy, Not a Bully.” In the following story, an anonymous adult describes the horrors she faced while going to school.
“My experience being bullied was what I consider to be one of the worst obstacles I have had to overcome in my life.”
Those are the dramatic words of a former private Christian school student from another county in Tennessee. We will refer to her as “Sandy” to protect her identity.
Sandy says she was relentlessly targeted emotionally and socially in front of everyone in school in what she describes as an “awful and unforgettable” experience.
“He ridiculed me constantly, mocked me, and convinced his friends to join in or laugh when he did it.”
Sandy says the older boy joined the school she attended when she was in middle school.
“It didn’t get bad until I’d say, the beginning of the 9th grade and also when I started losing weight. Even after I lost 75 lbs, it did not matter. He hated me then, and I was very attractive. In fact, he was even harder on me and my one friend as well. She stuck by me and for that I am grateful to her. I cried my eyes out every day when I got home from school. It was hard to try to even get up every day, but I did. I had so much fortitude. I would make sure I looked perfect. I made very good grades and my friend did as well. We just steered clear of him and his squad.”
Sandy created her own world where she focused on theatre, music, friends, movies, and good food. But she said the bullying would eventually start again.
“It seems everywhere I went I would get along with almost every person, and then one person would not like me. Then, their friends wouldn’t like me either.”
Sandy’s mother tried to help, but her efforts were unsuccessful.
“My mother even confronted the mother of the bully in high school face to face, and it did not help at all. The “Christian” school did not care what my divorced mother had to say. My father was an attorney but that didn’t matter. This was a small school, and they did not want someone leaving that participated in playing on the basketball team, or there wouldn’t have been a team at all. His family was so involved in the school’s success. The school was drowning [financially], and it finally did [close] shortly after my 10th grade year.”
After her high school days, Sandy still was unable to escape bullying. She attended cosmetology school where she met many nice people, but after taking a hiatus, she returned to a different atmosphere.
“When I came back there was a woman that hated me for no reason. She even stole some stuff from me. Then, after she graduated and was finally gone, there was another black girl that took her place. I was going through a separation from my husband at the time. Both of my parents talked to the administrator of the school repeatedly. It didn’t help at all. The same exact situation occurred just like it had with the bully in high school. The school just really can’t do anything they’d say.”
Now, Sandy is free from bullying. Unfortunately, even as an adult, she says the situations left damaging results.
“Being bullied made me stronger in a way. It also damaged my self-esteem. I’ve always felt like I was never good enough and that no one ever likes me as soon as I meet them. I’m a people pleaser to the point that I let people suck the energy right out of me. It makes me always walk on eggshells and look over my shoulder.”
Here are some tips for students to consider using when facing bullying.
· What can you do if someone is bullying you? Here’s one tip: Work on appearing more sure of yourself. Stand up straight, look people in the eye, talk with a firm voice, and hold your head high. If you ACT more confident, you’ll soon start to feel more confident.
· Friends are for sticking by you in tough times. Tell your friends if you’re being bullied. A bully is less likely to approach you if you’re surrounded by your buddies. Plus, your friends could even say to the bully: “We don’t like the way you treat our friend.” Or “We don’t like the way you’re acting. Stop it!”
· What in the world are you supposed to do when confronted by a bully? Take a deep breath, look the bully in the eye, and say in your firmest, most confident voice: “Don’t do that. I don’t like it.” OR “Leave me alone. I don't like what you’re doing.” OR I’ll report you if you don’t stop bothering me.” Then, walk away.
· Don’t be afraid to tell an adult if you’re being bullied. You might feel more comfortable talking to the person in private, so the bully can’t see or hear you. You are NOT a tattletale if you report someone who’s hurting you. Here are some adults who can help you: your parents or a relative, your teacher, a school counselor, your principal, assistant principal, or school resource office.
· Sometimes humor can help ease a conflict. If a bully threatens to beat you up, you might say, “Hey, I’ll save you the time and trouble. I’ll go home right now and beat myself up. That way, your hands won’t get hurt.” The bully may laugh and decide to leave you alone. (CAUTION: Be sure your joke isn’t directed at the bully. He might think you’re making fun of him.)
(Source: Bullying is a Pain in the Brain: Laugh & Learn by Trevor Romain, Free Spirit Publishing.)
