Hey, dad, how often have you wished that you and your teenage son or daughter lived on the same planet? Spoke the same language? On some days, liked each other? How many times have you felt puzzled, frustrated, angry, hurt or just plain perplexed but weren’t sure where to turn?
Our friendship and collaboration took root over lunch a few years ago when we were exchanging war stories about fatherhood and discovered that our teenagers were raising us in the same identical manner. And we did not appreciate some of our upbringing! We were struck by how common our feelings (some not so admirable) and challenges (some monumental) were regarding our relationship with our kids.
Throughout many more lunches, the floodgates opened and out poured all sorts of issues and concerns. We met with other dads and learned that all of us shared many common frustrations and doubts abut our role in the family and our relationship to our teenagers. We just needed permission to air those feelings and a venue where we could be open and honest.
So we’re out of the café and on to the page. This will be a regular column for dads about dads by dads. It’s practical advice from guys who have managed to survive the typical minefields of "Dad-hood" and emerged scarred but alive.
We’ll focus mostly on teenagers because that’s where our kids were when we started this journey – Tom with two girls and Bill with two boys – all about the same ages. Each week we’ll tackle an issue. We’ll offer some tips and introduce some perspectives. They say that confession is good for the soul. We’ll serve up some soul food as well. And, yes, moms are welcome, too. In fact, Mom, you may need to tap Dad on the shoulder and introduce him to us. Use your elbow, if necessary.
We want to emphasize that we are not professionally trained therapists or counselors. If you are experiencing a serious problem with your teenager, something beyond the typical pitfalls of generational misunderstanding and misfires, then the extent of our assistance, if warranted, will be to refer you to an appropriate agency or organization.
It’s a rare event when fathers share deep feelings. It seems to us that moms have more opportunities (and are more inclined) to share with other moms. Dads, on the other hand, don’t seem to have either the will or a way to open up to one another. We appreciate and are grateful for this opportunity. Dad, we hope this column will provide you with a guide to the uneven road of fatherhood. And we hope you’ll join us. Let us know what’s on your mind.
Contact Tom Tozer of Smithville  and Bill Black of Murfreesboro at tomandbill@goodfathernetwork.com