This month we're featuring issues from you, our readers. Dads have given us the topics, and we'll try to share some helpful thoughts.
The first column suggested by dads involves daughters and the boys who suddenly show interest. One of the dads put it this way-“Dads, daughters and guns-how do you deal with boys when the doorbell starts ringing?”
Looking good!
When daughters reach their teens, and sometimes earlier, boys begin to notice them with greater enthusiasm. This puts fear into the hearts of us fathers. We worry about our little girls and also fear letting go. This is a double whammy.
When a daughter announces that she has been asked out by a member of the opposite sex, we envision a smarmy grinning dude showing up at the door, preoccupied with some pretty basic intentions. So how does Dad make the leap from protecting his little girl to releasing her into the hands of Conan the Barbarian?
It's best to do this in stages.
Making the Connection
We dads know what teenage boys have on their maniacal minds. It's the same thing we had on our maniacal minds when we were their age.
First thing -- get Mom involved. Mothers are more trusting. They don't interrogate, ask embarrassing questions, frown or focus on the axe or gun collection as much.
You need to realize that the connection with your daughter comes long before the first boy shows up at the door. It's based on the time you've shared together, the activities you've engaged in, the standards you have taught, and the model you've set. Not all boys are smarmy, pimple-faced sex fiends. Many are upstanding, pimple-faced young men who have been raised properly and, in spite of hormones and natural drives, know how to behave. They respect themselves and their female counterparts. These are the boys you want dating your daughter.
Playing your role
You have a role in the dating theater, and it's not showing off your collection of weapons or sulking in your recliner. Here's what you can do to make sure the dating express is not a runaway train.
Know who your daughter is going out with, where they are going and when they'll be back. Give her some rules and make them reasonable and clear. Make sure she knows how to maintain her safety. Be an anchor. Assure her that she can contact you for any reason in any circumstance. Talk to her about dating and about sex. If she is old enough to date she is old enough to hear your thoughts. Help your daughter identify the best boys by focusing on character rather than simply on popularity or appearance.
The Future of Relationships
First dates lead to next dates and then to relationships. Keep the lines of communication open so you can talk about what qualities are important as well as the benefits of maintaining other friendships and involvement in social activities.
Contact Tom Tozer of Smithville and Bill Black of Murfreesboro, at dads2dads@comcast.net.