A powerful quote about death from George Eliot reads, “Our dead are never dead until we have forgotten them.”
In continuing research, the solar lights now locally placed on graves could be a reflection from the Bible. In Romans 13:12, the verse reads, “The night is far spent, the day is at hand: let us therefore cast off the works of darkness, and let us put on the armor of light. Having light is evidence that Jesus Christ is part of our life. His light – His spirit – His truth – His power – inspires, motivates, comforts, capacitates and protests.” Therefore, while heartbreaking, dying has proven to be astronomically expensive. It’s become a “firefly” of taste versus etiquette. One can choose cremation or direct burial. From each comes one – the “firefly” or its familiar name, the “lightning bug.” Just as the “lightning bug” is a synonym for “cremation” by adding “light,” so the “bug” is a grotesque synonym for a ground burial. Either way, it’s going to hurt your body or your bank account.
My friend, Chad Kirby of Love-Cantrell Funeral Home in Smithville, said ‘the magnanimous array of solar lights surrounding a huge collection of former and current graves were placed in cemeteries because of ‘comfort’ reasons. He further commented that ‘persons also place the solar lights in order to locate graves easier.” Kirby said the noun “comfort” applied to the family – not the body. For further evidence, drive by DeKalb Memorial Gardens Cemetery in Smithville after sundown. It’s so bright, one can play the New York Times crossword puzzle using an ink pen!
I remember Lucy and me catching “lightning bugs” with our bare hands and putting them in a glass jar with holes punched on top for their breathing purposes. We never came close to killing our new little friends because they always lighted our way when we were playing “hide and seek” outdoors during the nighttime hours.
On another similar note, the only difference between a “cemetery and a graveyard” is the church, which is affiliated only with a “graveyard.” A “cemetery” is non-denominational, more lenient, and much larger.
Another historical demise is an original true story involving an individual being buried alive. “Years ago, many persons were often unsure of whether an individual was actually dead or not. In resolution, coffins were designed with a small hole through which a string passed. One end of the string was tied to the finger of the deceased and the other was attached to a small bell that was affixed to the tombstone or the deceased’s hand. So, if the individual wasn’t dead, they only needed to wiggle their finger, which would alert someone above ground that they were alive.” Okay, what would happen if the dead individual was ticklish?
Continuing, Frank Vester of Newark, New Jersey obtained U.S. patent number 81,437 on August 25, 1868 for an “Improved Burial Case” that actually did incorporate a bell. “The nature of this invention consists in placing on the lid of the coffin, and directly over the face of the body laid therein,” said Vester, “a square tube, which extends from the coffin up and over the surface of the grave, said tube containing a ladder and a cord, one end of said cord being placed in the hand of the person laid in the coffin, and the other end of said cord being attached to the bell on the top so that should a person be interred before life is extinct, he can, on recovery to consciousness, ascend from the grave and the coffin by the ladder, or if not able to ascend by said ladder, ring the bell, thereby giving an alarm, and thus saving himself from premature burial and death.”
As a teenager in Alexandria, during the early-mid 1900s, dad was asked to spend the night with a deceased townsperson. He did. Problem for dad was that the more he looked at the dead body, the more it seemed to move and the more dad became terrified. He thought he saw the man’s hands move so he ran from the house and never kept watch over a body again. During the early years, funeral homes were non-existent so families kept their family’s bodies at home, said dad who enjoyed reminiscing one year. My maternal grandfather, Everett Morgan (TY) Parker was presented this way in the early 1960s. He laid in repose in the living room of his home on the Sparta Highway in Smithville. To elaborate, the medium reason for overnight dead-body-watchers was to keep anyone from stealing jewelry or other bodily ornaments from a deceased body. This sometimes Anine action was a long-standing customary belief during the earlier years.
It costs many hard-earned dollars to be buried or cremated and having a yard sale won’t help the matter! The following numbers are quoted for Nashville (Davidson County) Tennessee Funeral Home services. You might rather jump in Center Hill Lake. It would be cheaper and quicker.
· Metal Casket - $2,500
· Funeral Service Fee - $2,300 (Includes all cemetery preparations, grave digging, etc.)
· Vault - $1,572
· Cremation Casket - $1,310 (Combustible container required for the cremation process).
· Embalming - $775 (This is not a burial requirement per TN law. And, during the Civil War from 1861-1865, the embalming process was initiated.
· Funeral Home Staff - $515 (An optional fee to pay staff to assist with funeral service).
· Facility Usage - $450 (Using the Funeral Home’s Chapel for the viewing, you’ll pay this fee).
· Cremation Fee - $368 (Didn’t know a fire could be so expensive or that one had to pay for it).
· Hearse - $350 – Vehicle charge from the Funeral Home to the Cemetery.
· Transportation - $325 – (The price of transferring the body to the funeral home).
· Urn - $295 – (To hold the cremated remains).
· Cosmetic Preparations – Funeral homes charge a fee for make-up application, clothing and hairstyling. This sum is in addition to the professional services asked for - new clothing dress items; and hairstyling and make-up applications.
· Memorial Service Extras - $183 (Costs of printing materials for the funeral.)
· Service Vehicle - $150 – (The fee for transporting family members to and from the funeral).
Other Funeral costs to consider not included in the above paragraph:
* Burial Plots – Costs between $1,000 and $4,000.
* Headstone and Grave markers – Costs between $200 and $5000 and $10,000.
* Flowers – Cost determined by type of flowers and florist charge. Roses are the most expensive.
* Obituary – The price of publishing in newspaper/website varies between publications. Most local media obituary publishing is a free community service.
The average cost of cremation across the US is $6,971, compared to a burial cost of $7,848. To reduce the price even more, you can elect for a “direct cremation” which skips the funeral service beforehand. As the most economic option, the only thing you have to purchase is the urn. The end result reveals that in Tennessee, you can save $877 if you are cremated. But, not so fast! The cremation process involves the following: “Today, nearly 50 percent of Americans are cremated. In 1980, less than 10 percent were cremated,” wrote Popmech.com, “and 60 to 80 percent of the dead are now cremated with cemeteries running out of burial spaces daily.” The cremation process is scary. I’m not a fan of being burned by a 1,700-degree fire/flame in an oven, like a pan of frozen pizza! “Cremation remains are typically bone fragments and casket ash.” The absolute cheapest burial casket is “Cardboard,” which is a simple, unadorned cardboard casket that retails for $200 at www.Amazon.com. But, don’t forget about early rotting. The same applies to wooden caskets which then applies to “Tent graves.”
Another personal qualm is the media photographs of the deceased included with their published obituary. The deceased is 86-years-old. The submitted obituary picture of the same woman is at age 22-years-old! I’ve seen an age 16 obituary picture pasted with a 91-year-old deceased female photograph. Easily identifiable and ageless?
What is “Decoration Day” at a cemetery? I thought it was an event to view the saddles and other grave decorations so we could gossip about who spent the most money and whose was the prettiest. “Lord, I bet Betty Jean spent over $100 on that all-rose and all-carnation grave arrangement.” Personally, I thought saddles, placed on top of the tombstone, were easier to mow under and around. The correct definition of “Decoration Day” is the following: “It connects the living and the dead. It is both a religious event and a celebration of life where people pray, sing, share a meal, tell stories, and reconnect as a community.” One final question: In a cemetery, where do you share a meal and does it taste burned? Seriously, I have no idea. I don’t believe there are any picnic tables in this particular area.
For additional information about the many aspects of dying, coping, and surviving, you may contact former Smithville resident, Tarron J. Estes of Boulder, Colorado. Tarron founded the Conscious Dying Institute there 34 years ago. According to Tarron, the “Conscience Dying Institute” is “the process of utilizing the dying process as an opportunity to become more present and loving, an opportunity for profound healing, for spiritual awakening.” Her telephone number is: 303-440-8018.
