By allowing ads to appear on this site, you support the local businesses who, in turn, support great journalism.
Dear Zing
Sue Conger


(Today’s subject of my satire includes the late U.S Congressman Joe L. Evins, along with Bundy Bratten, and sheriff candidates Johnnie Cripps, James Lattimore and  Dwight Mathis.)


     I was passing through the courthouse last week, when I experienced political tremors.  A crowd had gathered in the lobby, and the politician in their midst was extolling the virtues of strict law enforcement.  The speech ended, followed by 

hearty handshakes and comments.  With my notebook and pen in hand, I edged forward to discover the speaker to be former Congressman Joe L. Evins.  


    “Sir?  Rumor has it that you’re going to run for sheriff this year.  Would you care to comment?”


     The Congressman swung around to the men beside him.  “Who’s the gossip?”  The heads quickly denied any knowledge of the rumor, and he turned back remarking, “I won’t say ‘yes’ and I won’t say ’no'.  However,  these are dark days for DeKalb County.

The people require another Moses to lead them out of the darkness and into eternal iight.”


     “That’s beautiful!  Congressman, in your speech a moment ago, you touched upon a grave issue.  How do you stand on law and order?”


     “I’m for it.”


     “Very good, Sir.  You sound like a candidate to me.  Do you believe you’re the  man most qualified to bring law and order to this county?”


      “Yes and no.”


      “May I quote you?” 


      “Certainly.  I do not seek the office of sheriff.  If it’s thrust on me, I will not serve.  But you might suggest to your readers that my opponents haven’t the experience I’ve had.” 


       Four terms in the U.S. House of Representatives isn’t exactly a prerequisite for the office of sheriff.  How do you feel about the other candidates?"


      The Congressman dropped his voice.  “Is this off the record?”


       “Of course,” I whispered.


       “Did you know that James Latitmore is a noctambulist?


       “Can you prove that?”


        “Dwight Mathis refocillated a prisoner last week during a tense situation.


         “Were there any witnesses?"


        “Johnnie Cripps has been consistently involved in pergation.”


       “What shall we do?


       He squared his shoulders and replied, “Elect a person, who possesses keen perception, oratorical abilities and becomes a…


       I nodded.  “A tattletale?”


       “You guessed it.”


        At that moment, someone tapped the Congressman on the shoulder.  It was Mr. Bundy Bratten with a camera slung about his neck.  “Where do you want the picture taken, Mr. Joe?”


        “Oh!  This must be the picture for your campaign poster, Sir.”


        The Congressman gave me a Mona Lisa smile.  “Maybe…Maybe not.”


        Zing, Congressman Evins has forgiven me for spinning this tale.  Blame it on Election Fever and an overactive imagination.