Snow days in Tennessee are less frequent than most school children (and me) would like. When we woke up to a whopping inch of snow last week, there was very little hesitation. My husband, daughter, and I started suiting up for the cold and dragging out the essentials: two pairs of snow skis and a child-size kayak. I'll explain the kayak later.
Now, for anyone with experience in winter sports, an inch of champagne-like snow is just not enough for skiing, but that didn't stop my husband. While he may not have gained the attention of any Olympic recruiters that day, he didn't fall and we figured that was respectable enough. After seeing his mild success, I decided it was safe to try out the kayak in a less-appreciated form: the kayak-sled. Since it's a small boat for children, and the manufacturers heavily doubted that any self-respecting adult would attempt to fit, there isn't enough room to stretch out your legs. You have to sort of crouch on your knees to fit inside. This already sounds safe, right?
I got situated in the kayak and had my husband pushed me down the barely snow-dusted hill. It was pretty fun, and I didn't get hurt, so you know Michael couldn't resist taking his turn. This is where it gets hard for me to tell the story because I keep laughing, which makes it hard to write.
These are the images I was left with after what we've taken to calling “The Snow Boat Incident:”
Michael, at 6'1'' and 215 pounds, crammed into a kayak built for children under age eight and 60 pounds; me, at 5'5'' and…considerably less than 215 pounds, trying to hold onto the kayak, which is teetering over the snow-dusted hill, as Michael adjusts himself; my hands and how my fingers slowly lost hold of the kayak as Michael cried, “Wait!”: and finally, Michael's fast, surprise descent down the hill, which unfortunately ended in a tree. His body loosed itself from the tiny kayak and rolled over a few times. I remember hearing an angry male voice shouting, “Wait, Debra, I said WAIT,” but I was already laughing so hard I couldn't see. I didn't realize he had hit the tree pretty hard and was actually hurt, so I looked completely evil, I'm sure. Tell me something new.
When my husband started complaining of pain in his legs after the Snow Boat Incident, I thought he was just trying to get some attention, until I saw the bruises. You wouldn't believe how bad these bruises were. They were just as bad as the monster bruise I sustained from our car accident in December, when we were hit by a semi traveling at 60 mph! How does a kayak down a slightly-snowy hill do the same damage as a tractor trailer flying down a highway? And just in case we weren't really sure what had happened, our daughter filled us in, with her infinite wisdom: “Daddy's got a big boo-boo. Two big boo-boos. It's yuck, and I don't like it. Needs medicine.”
The best part of the whole fiasco is that Michael caught the whole thing…drumroll, please…on video. That's right, he was filming this from the moment I let go of him until he slams into the tree and rolls out of the kiddie kayak, yelling at me (I can't blame him there). At the risk of embarrassing the father of my child (or is it with the intention of embarrassing him?) I will include the link to the video below. You're welcome.
Love, Mom
Kayak Sled into Tree: http://interruptedmom.wordpress.com/2013/02/02/snow-boating-accidents