Have you ever watched Dirty Jobs? Some of those jobs are downright disgusting. I am a little surprised they've never featured being a mom as a dirty job. After all, what other job involves other people's poo, vomit, snot, and random bits of food found under the couch (how did those get there, anyway)? When you're a mom (or parent in general), it's hard to avoid nasty situations. Remember when you were a kid and you got sick? Who was always there to hold your hair back while you retched? Wipe your runny nose? Remove crusty bits of toothpaste from the corners of your mouth before church? Dear old Mama, that's who. And while she probably never complained about it to your face, you can bet she was shuddering at the thought of your regurgitated lunch. And then that sweet, wonderful lady went and made you dinner because she felt bad that your stomach was empty. Can we all just pause for a moment and give moms everywhere a moment of silence? Not out of respect necessarily, but because moms just need a moment of silence. I know I do. Sssshhhh.
Have you ever walked into your child's room to find it sparkling clean (and you weren't the one to clean it)? I didn't think so. And if you answered “yes,” go check the closet. Make sure you wear a helmet and bring a trash bag. When I was a kid, I came up with some creative ways to hide my messes. One of my favorites was hiding stuff under my parents' bed. That might sound crazy, but in reality, it's genius. Hiding a mess behind enemy lines is nearly fail-proof. When do parents ever check under their bed? You can be sure they'll look under yours when inspecting your “clean” room, but would they ever think to look under their own? Mission accomplished.
Another great way to hide a mess is to put everything in boxes. Then write some random term that sounds organized, like “Rock collection,” “Old movies,” or “Christmas decorations” on the box. Even if mom looks into your closet, she won't see the mess. As an added bonus, she will think her little angel has become the most organized and efficient child on the planet. If you're worried she might look inside the boxes, write an off-putting description on the box, like “Pictures of mom while pregnant,” “Bills/Invoices,” or “Notes from my teacher asking mom to join the PTO.” Unless mom is a masochist, she won't check in those boxes.
Moms really don't get enough recognition. This can easily be fixed. If you're lucky enough to still have your mom around, go, right now, and tell her thank you. You don't have to say that you're thanking her for years of scrubbing vomit off the bathroom floor, washing sheets covered in your dead skin cells, changing diapers with questionable substances in them, helping you blow your nose when your head felt like it would pop, or standing bravely beside you as the doctors reset your dislocated shoulder. She's a mom. She just knows. It doesn't hurt to throw in an “I love you”-no matter if you're 13, 35, or 64, she still lives to hear those words from you.
Until next time, friends!
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