With all the news so hot and heavy from terrorism to tweeting, I’m amazed at how many problems we seem to have in our country today.

I have to say, I always try to let personal responsibility be the do-all, end-all for me on most topics, but it doesn’t hurt to be proactive in defense of your own safety anymore. I decided to do a little survival guide for the 21st century on things I’ve learned from the news.

Don’t let them put you next to former President George Bush Sr.’s wheelchair in a lineup picture, unless you like the game duck, duck, goose – where you end up getting the goose unless you duck out of there pretty darn quick. I haven’t heard about any guys reporting this, but I don’t want to be the first – it might be awkward.

Instead of using the line “I didn’t do it” when you’re blamed for something you obviously did, just say “The Democrats did it” instead. It’s been working for President Trump so far, just watch FOX News they’ll tell you. An alternative might be just to tell the person involved “You’re Fired.” President Trump was well trained for leading a country, he’s just following a business model from his reality show “The Apprentice.” I think the name of this episode from season 15 says a lot: “I Don’t Have Time for Anyone’s Ego  Except My Own”. 

How many seasons were there for that show? At least 15, which is the best indicator yet President Trump will serve two terms. I never saw an episode. How about his prior gambit with a casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey? I was glad I didn’t have to spend summers there after the casinos rolled in. In 1990, Donald Trump opened the largest and most lavish casino-hotel complex in Atlantic City. Unlike any other casino in America, the Trump Taj Mahal was expected to break every record in the books. But just several months later, it all fell apart. Kind of like the Presidency.

Don’t buy tickets to an NFL game, watch it on TV instead. I am always getting my snacks before the game so I don’t even notice if they stand or kneel – the players not my snacks. I’ve got the best seat in the house, I don’t have to worry about someone shooting at me or blowing me up (unless my old TV implodes) and there’s never a line to the bathroom. I can have my Hog Lumps (pork rinds) and an ice-cold beverage and see instant replays without straining my neck.

Don’t let guys like Harvey Weinstein get away with anything anymore. What is the mindset of men like this? It makes me ashamed of being part of the gender. 

There should be zero tolerance of this type of behavior toward women. It’s been going on for years and let off too many times with a wink and a nod. If your guardians didn’t raise you right, hopefully your next victim will give you the Lorena Bobbitt treatment – look it up.

Contact Steve Warner at           

news@smithvillereview.com