Many of you know that my wife and I recently lost our son, Dr. David Seber, as he passed on to Glory...
One more article and I will try to move on, because I know there has been enough said and many are praying for us now.. Thanks to each of you.. You have told me things I knew full well but your reminders of these truths has brought me into full remembrance of them again.. and brought reassurance..
It does help to talk about grief, but most of it must be borne alone.. I am not handling this as well as I wish I could.. This is the hardest blow we have ever suffered.. and I am just not doing as well with it yet as I probably should be..
I have always been a knock it out of the way and push on person.. but this is proving harder than I expected to push on through. Most of the time I am fine, but then the next thing I know I am crying and I am embarrassed when people see me cry.. Crying is something very few people have ever seen me do.. and I am a little ashamed of myself for being such a baby and weakling.
I suppose I overestimated my ability to stand up in a time like this.. Please don't pet me... just stand with me.. I should be getting better soon..
I do remember when king David wept over the death of his son Absalom.. and can identify full well with him.
Except my son passed on into Glory in full fellowship with his father.. We stayed close from his early childhood until the very day he left this world.. As he approached the time to go home I spent much of the last night I was able to be with him holding his hand.. He would grip my hand tight and look at me with love in his eyes..
As he grew sicker and sicker there and knew his passing was near at hand.. And I couldn't help him.. A time or two he asked me to pray, and I would pray with him..
He roused up about midnight and wanted to tell me something.. His words will echo through my mind and soul until my own passing.. He said dad.. many people say you are a good man who have watched you from a distance.. But dad.. I have watched you up close and I know it is true from up close.. I want to thank you and mom for the way you have raised me..
After that a few times he asked me for a drink of water.. but those were his final words to me..
He was a better man than me, a quiet and gentle Christian man with a godly spirit about him.. After that I had to go home to sleep for a while as other family members stood by his bedside.. They tell me that he passed on without having to struggle too hard..
I intended to be there when he breathed his last breath, but I am glad now that I didn't have to watch him go.. My hope in posting all this is that it will help me get through this grief process but also that in my sharing it with you that someone else might be better prepared for their time of loss I look back at many things I wish I had done in a different way or handled better during our years together.. But I think he always knew I loved him deeply and I never doubted for one moment his love for his dad..
We talked often and deeply about life and were very much alike in our values and understanding of life and how it should be lived.. He was a brilliant man, a gifted doctor and a man with a deep faith in God, which he desired to live out daily.
He had told the people at his office in Wartburg that the wanted to come back into his clinic and work one more day.. but that he wanted to see a few select patients.. They assumed he wanted to see some of the most sick people.. but he said no.. I want to see those who are not Christians.. I want to talk to them one more time.. Thanks for reading this..
And so here I stand..