That’s right, I’m a tutu-wearing fairy with a pink magic wand. Want to make something of it?

Not that it was my idea. It’s this whole Halloween thing here at the Review. The ladies here are quite serious about winning first prize and as such they decided we MUST coordinate our dress (literally in my case) when it comes to Halloween.

“We are dead serious about this,” General Manager Angie Meadows said sternly. “We want to win again.”

Now, if it had been left up to me, we would have been all Game of Thrones or Zombie Apocalypse. But, if you’re good with math, you’ll notice I’m outvoted 2-1 here by the ladies, so fairies it is.

As a matter of fact, my little white tutu has already arrived and frankly, I think it’s a little short and shows too much leg plus it makes my butt look big.

“Now you need a pink wand,” staff coordinator Barbara Ann said as I modeled my new tutu. “And pick me up one while you’re at it. A purple one.”

Not one to make waves, I dutifully went to the Dollar Tree and tried to quietly buy the wands as ordered.

“Oh great,” I said as I pulled one off the shelf, looking around to make sure no one was watching. “They come with matching tiaras.”

Seeing I’m a grown man and had found the wands in the little girls section, I tried to slip away to the checkout counter before I saw someone I knew. Thankfully I’m still the new guy so I don’t know that many people here.

“Sir. Where did you get those?” I jumped as a lady came around the corner with her little daughter and saw me holding the wands.

“Um, right there,” I pointed, nervously clearing my throat.

“Ah, you must have little girls,” she commented, seeing me holding the wands.

“Actually, no,” I blushed.

The woman gave me an up and down. “Ooookay,” she breathed, ushering her daughter away.

That’s when I made my run for the checkout counter, grabbing a few more items to check out so as not to feature the fairy wands with matching tiaras. However, they didn’t miss the gaze of the clerk as she scanned them.

“You have little girls, huh?” she said as she rang them up. “How sweet. They’re going to be little fairies.”

“Actually, no,” I sighed, my answer causing a change in her demeanor. “I’m going to be the fairy.”

“Ooohhh,” she averted my gaze as she handed me my receipt.

“Don’t judge,” I huffed as I left with wands in hand.

So, for Halloween I’ll be putting all of it together. The tutu, the tights (hope I don’t chafe), the wand, the matching tiara, the wings, the wig (since I do have a very small bald spot) and yes, the Tooth Fairy shirt. That’s right, I’m not just going to be a fairy. Oh no. I’m going to be the Tooth Fairy. I have half a mind to book my cleaning for that day for 230 (get it, tooth hurty) and show up dressed like the Tooth Fairy.