I went looking for bear this past weekend in the Smoky Mountains but the closest I came to it was a plushy stuffed animal at a local gift shop.

“Go to Cade’s Cove,” people told me. “They’re seeing bears up there all the time. You’re sure to see one if you go.”

From the tall tales some folks were spinning, you’d think bears were swinging from the trees like monkeys in a Tarzan movie up there. With that in mind, me and my buddies loaded up and headed over to Cade’s Cove, our cellphones ready to snap pictures of the many bears we were sure we’d see.

At first things looked hopeful as several signs on the side of the road warned motorists not to approach animals such as bears or elk. These are signs for people who are too dumb to read signs.

“Get my picture petting the bear,” have likely been the last words of some rocket scientists who thought it’d be a good idea to stroke the fur of a six-foot black bear.

I actually drove with caution heading over the Cove, thinking maybe a bear would run out in front of us. However, as we got deeper into the sticks it became more and more obvious we weren’t going to see a bear. Sure, we saw several wild turkeys, a few horses and a squirrel or two but bears weren’t hanging around.

For those who haven’t been to Cade’s Cove let me tell you, it isn’t close. It’s 24 miles off the main highway and much of the drive is at 30 miles per hour or less. However, what it is, with or without bears, is very beautiful. You cruise up next to white water from a mountain river with several falls and scenic vistas as the Smoky Mountains spire up all around, surrounding the Cove like a huge wall on all sides.

So, after about five hours of enjoying nature but not seeing any bears, we returned to the condo where we staying in Pigeon Forge and hit the pool. It was during that time of relaxation a security guard walked through and I just had to ask.

“We went to Cade’s Cove and didn’t see a single bear,” I lamented to him, my statement getting a grin.

“I’ve been to Cade’s Cove over 30 times and not once seen a bear,” he confessed, nodding over our shoulder. “But that dumper right across the parking lot, I’ve seen several of them. One big enough to stand on his back legs and reach over the top to pull out trash bags.”

He went on to recount all the various sightings around the condo over the year, adding he knows not to approach them.

“I give them plenty of room,” he said, noting that while having a gun, he is restricted from using it unless it’s life or death. “I have the same rules using deadly force as I would with a human.”

“More like start gnawing on my arm,” he laughed.

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